She's Ready to Wed, He's Not
Does moving in together lead to the marriage conversation?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and recently moved in together. I thought that this would be a good time to start discussing the possibility of getting married, but when I mentioned it to him he said he wasn't interested in getting married and that he likes the way things are now. Now I am not sure what to do because I still want to be in a relationship with him, but I also want to get married someday.
-Wishing for Wedding Bells in Weston
Dear Wishing for Wedding Bells,
It can be tough when two people have different views about marriage. It’s a good sign that you are living together — it shows that he can make a commitment to you. Because you only recently shacked up, give it time. You're both going to find out a lot about each other and your relationship during the first year or so of cohabitation, and it can be a lot to adjust to. Once you’ve gotten through those obstacles, you can bring up the topic of marriage again.
Your boyfriend may want to get married down the road, but doesn’t feel ready just yet. You yourself say you want to get married “someday.” When you have this conversation with him, figure out if you can decide on a timeline that works for both of you. Remember that there will be financial goals you’ll have to plan for (a wedding, a honeymoon, a new house or apartment), so aiming for a practical time down the road can be helpful.
If your boyfriend says he never wants to get married, and it is important to you, then you may have bigger issues. This is where you would have to decide if you trust that he will commit to you for life with no marriage certificate (if you can deal with that!) or if you need to leave him and find someone who will be waiting at the end of the proverbial aisle.
Alexa Cortese is Associate Editor of Digital Media at Moffly Media.
She can be found in coffee shops or on Gchat dishing out relationship and life advice to all her friends. After one particularly long chat session, Alexa’s best friend said, “You should become an advice columnist.” So here she is…
A New Jersey native, Alexa now resides in Fairfield. She is in a happy, long-term relationship (it’s not complicated). Her specialty is relationship advice, but she’s willing to tackle anything. So bring it on!
*Disclaimer: Alexa Cortese is not a certified professional licensed therapist — just a girl with a dream to bring a little more love and peace into the world.
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