He Snooped on His Spouse

Is it okay to look through your spouse's phone if you have reason to be suspicious?

©Garvin Burke

Over the past six months, my wife of 7 years has become increasingly distant. It's been very subtle, but I had a strange feeling about it. A few weeks ago, she left her phone out while she was in the shower. She usually takes her phone EVERYWHERE with her (even into the bathroom) so when I got the opportunity, I couldn't help myself. I looked through her text messages. She's been exchanging inappropriate texts with another man. I am angry and hurt, to say the least. I don't even know what to do. I haven't yet confronted her because I know she'll be angry that I snooped through her phone, and I don't want her to try to turn the blame around on me. Did I have a right to check on her? How do I handle the situation?

-Snoop in Stamford

Dear Snoop in Stamford,

I can't say that you were right in checking your wife's phone, however, it does seem like you had good reason to be suspicious. You don't mention whether you tried to ask your wife about her odd behavior before you read her texts, so it is hard to know whether this was a last resort. That being said, the fact that it came to this speaks volumes about the trust and security in your marriage (as well as your respect for each other). You are both in the wrong, but she is the guiltier party.

I believe you should confront her. You have a right to know whether she is having an affair — and even if things never got physical between your wife and the other man, the bottom line is that a married woman should not be exchanging these kinds of texts with men who aren't her husband.

In this case, you're going to have to take the heat for your snooping in order to try to get to the bottom of an even greater problem — your wife's loyalty. If she tries to turn the blame on you, it's because she's feeling guilty and is scared that she got caught. You both know that her transgression is worse than yours.

Good luck to you.


Alexa Cortese is Associate Editor of Digital Media at Moffly Media.

She can be found in coffee shops or on Gchat dishing out relationship and life advice to all her friends. After one particularly long chat session, Alexa’s best friend said, “You should become an advice columnist.” So here she is…

A New Jersey native, Alexa now resides in Fairfield. She is in a happy, long-term relationship (it’s not complicated). Her specialty is relationship advice, but she’s willing to tackle anything. So bring it on!

*Disclaimer: Alexa Cortese is not a certified professional licensed therapist — just a girl with a dream to bring a little more love and peace into the world.

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