How to Deal With Unwanted Attention
She's getting hit on, and she doesn't like it.
I am gay and in a relationship with another woman, but a guy I know constantly hits on me — even though he himself has a girlfriend. He makes inappropriate comments and jokes when his girlfriend is out of earshot, and I try to laugh it off or jokingly tell him to stop because I don’t want the situation to get awkward. I tell my girlfriend everything he says to me, and while she thinks he’s ridiculous, she is not threatened by it. I’m sure his girlfriend would be angry and hurt, but I do not feel close enough to her to begin stirring up trouble in their relationship by telling her what he says to me. My question is, how do I get him to stop making these comments without making things uncomfortable, and should I tell his girlfriend? I doubt I am the only one he makes these comments to.
-Sick of It in Stamford
Dear Sick of It in Stamford,
Talk about a tricky situation! Bottom line is that it does need to stop. This guy is being completely disrespectful to you, his girlfriend, and your girlfriend. If he can’t take the hint when you lightly or jokingly tell him it is inappropriate, then you have to flat out tell him that he is making you uncomfortable and that you don’t want him to make these comments anymore. If he doesn't quit it, you should stop hanging out with him. If the comments persist via text or otherwise, you might want to risk awkwardness and tell his girlfriend what he's been saying. You would be doing her a favor, and though she might be upset at first, she will realize that in the longrun that you were trying to help her out. These comments might seem harmless if he hasn't tried anything physical, but that doesn't mean they are okay. His girlfriend deserves to know that her boyfriend hits on other women, and you deserve to be treated with respect.
Alexa Cortese is Associate Editor of Digital Media at Moffly Media.
She can be found in coffee shops or on Gchat dishing out relationship and life advice to all her friends. After one particularly long chat session, Alexa’s best friend said, “You should become an advice columnist.” So here she is…
A New Jersey native, Alexa now resides in Fairfield. She is in a happy, long-term relationship (it’s not complicated). Her specialty is relationship advice, but she’s willing to tackle anything. So bring it on!
*Disclaimer: Alexa Cortese is not a certified professional licensed therapist — just a girl with a dream to bring a little more love and peace into the world.
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